Monday, February 21, 2011


So, Here, I am posting one of the poem's/songs i wrote about a certain celeb boy who I def respected. This boy (media-wise) has been falling away and its heartbreaking to me. This poem expresses how it feels when people change, and how its silly to trust people, but also how silly it is to look up to someone sooo much. Not only silly, but it's idolatry. so hope you like it.

I told them they didn't understand
But I never planned
On you becomming what they all are
People left with ugly scars
That although different, they are still the same
Now you're just one in a long list of names
Who have let what thy want
Cancel out what you once knew to be true
Now you're all soiled and used
Lost what made you you
I can't bear to see you ruin it all
And sit back and watch you fall
The boy I used to respect
I no longer can detect

Boy i thought you had it all,
thought you'd rise above
the "hollywood life" and not fall
but you grew up

you used to sing about eternity,
and soaring above,
but now, the boy I used to love,
used to respect
is now just like all the rest

i know we all make mistakes,
but yours are scatterd all over the place
leaving the ones who respected you
left with not knowing what to do
not knowing who is real
and who is the whole deal
"i am what i am" is what you used to say
but somewhere along the way you changed.

goodbye boy, i was stupid to idolize you the way i did.
when i should've known it'd end like this.
should've known it couldn't last
and now all the time that's passed
means nothing

but now it's time for me to be the bigger one,
time will tell for the things you have done
i thought you'd be someone i could always respect
but now i'll be haunted by what's left

a boy who let the world take him down
now your voice is just a sound
of yet another one who fell apart
when you used to follow your heart
and stick to the faith you said you had
yet now seems gone, and thats sad.

i will find peace in one thing
that i still know who im serving
that i won't let the world pull me in,
and hold me down

i hope some day you'll come back around
but boy i can't look at you the same,
now you're just one in a long list of names
of people who all live life for your own pleasure
as if that's the real treasure.

know that i won't hang around,
or listen to the sound
and watch you live your life this way,
i can't think of anymore words to say.

hopefully you'll come around again someday..

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Trusting in God when all is Well

Well, I realized I never posted my Pt. 2. "Trusting God when all is well" I can't remember what I was thinking or wanted to say at that time, but I'm sure it had to do with how easy it is to trust in God when things are crazy and out of control. We all go to Him when things are hard, but how often do we when things are good. Its ironic that I should be re-reading my blog and notice that thats what I wanted to talk about in November, when I was going to talk about that tonight... so here it goes.

It's late, which is when I do my best thinking and writing I think. (Even though it's been far too long since my last post) Lately, I have been trying to be more disciplined in time management. Having so much time off work can get old pretty fast. So, I've been working out some, and doing art projects. But, mainly, I'm trying to get back into reading the Word daily. (Still not daily, but I'm getting better) Long story short, its reminded me to go to God even when all is well. I mean I'll admit I complain about little things, and I'm aware of that more than ever, but for the most part. God is providing for me. For example...

I have been stressed about finances due to my major lack of hours. Yet He has provided. whether it be through me being able to pick up shifts, or my tax refund. Etc. So he's proven he provides. :)

Then, when I was feeling unhappy at work, he provided me with the possibility of a new opportunity. I don't know how that'll turn out yet. ;)

Lastly, he's been teaching me to trust in Him fully, even though I may be uncertain. I have no reason to complain. Yet I do. Why can we never be completely satisfied. But then I remember the cross, and my sin. We are never fully satisfied because of our worldly sinful nature. So that is why trusting God even when all is Well is so important. Trusting when all is well is hard, I encourage us to remember that daily. :) I know that it's something I'm working on right now, going to him daily, even when all is well and fine. Because He is worthy of all praise and worship! He is our source of joy. A pure, gospel-centered joy that only He can give, no worldly thing can give us that."

Thats all for now, I'll try to post more about what I've been learning soon. For now, goodnight. :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Late Night Drive with God part 1: Finding Joy in the unknown

So, while I was driving home on late Tuesday night, after 8 hours of working for the mouse, I had a lot of time to reflect, and pray and spend time with God. Usually I'd just blast my tunes and drive all the way through. But this trip started different. I always pray before I hit the road, for protection etc. =D But the difference with this trip, was I didn't stop praying.

I prayed for two hours of my drive, and for the rest of the trip I drove in silence for almost the whole trip. So this blog is gonna have two topics. Silence and Joy in the unknown.

First, I find that driving at night is way more preferable than driving during the day. It's more relaxing, less stressful, peaceful. There aren't as many cars, but I realized this is because you can't see everything ahead of you. Not being able to see more than a mile or less ahead of you keeps one's mind at ease. When I realized this, I came to realize that God and faith is the same way. Let me explain. Too often we worry about the future, we look too far ahead, and we get stressed out, depressed, etc. But if we live one day at a time, we'd be much more joyful. =D I think that by looking too far ahead we get weary. Whereas we should more often stop, and just think about the day at hand, or even the task at hand. For the word even says "Do not worry about your life, for each day has enough trouble of it's own." So next time the future distresses you, take a pause and just think about the uncertainty that lies ahead, but find joy in the unknown. Nothing is certain, we can plan things, but nothing is definite. Remember that as well.



Silence is in fact golden. I touched on this in my last post, but we don't value silence enough. And when I say silence, I don't just mean not talking. True silence means, no talking, no texting, no IMing, etc. We often become consumed with being in constant communication with the world, that we don't know what true silence is. Complete silence. Just listening to God speak to you. True communication with the one and only one who is worthy of our full focus and attention. For example, I sat in complete silence, not even praying out loud for a portion of my drive. And at 2 am, I was wide awake, driving in silence, listening to the wind pound against my car. This would normally terrify me, but not this night. All was silent, I could hear the cars driving by, and just the natural sounds, and I was able to think "Lord, your power is mighty, this wind, that would normally scare me, is not tonight, because I know that it is only you. Your power, you showing us your power and might. Your awesome power. That can move mountains." So I did not tremble, but instead felt filled with His presence at 2 am, wind blowing hard against my car. It was only He who can command the wind. Why should I fear in this situation. The Lord is good and awesome. Worthy of all praise, and that's what I felt in this drive. I felt thankful for His presence. I did not feel alone, I had a drive with my Heavenly Father, and it was so good! He is sooo good! I hope you all remember that today. :-) Even if you have no other time to be in complete silence, I recommend utilizing the "no texting" law and turn off your radio, and meditate in silence. Because if you have no other time to meditate, those are the best times, because we all drive. Almost everyday. =D Happy Thanksgiving, May we all count our blessings and give praise to the Father who we are here to serve. =D


It has now been thanksgiving day for 52 minutes. And I'm sitting on the end of my sister's bed typing out my Thanksgiving Blog. So here it is...

Before I go into a list of what I am thankful for, i want to say one thing. I hope we all do not forget that thankfulness is not just a "one day of the year" thing. It should be something we think of and are aware of everyday of our lives. So that is the first and most important thing I hope you get by reading this post.

So first...

I am Thankful for being able to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I have always known there would come a day when I would have to be away for Thanksgiving. It happened last year, but I always thought it wouldn't be til I have a family. However, I am so thankful that I was blessed enough to not get scheduled on this day, so was able to come home and be with my family.

which leads to my #2.

safe travels. the Lord protected me when i drove home at 11 at night last night to come home, after it had been raining. He protected me, of that I am thankful.


I prayed for the first two hours of my drive home, (what started as praying for protection, became a two hour conversation with my creator) For this I am thankful, if i had been at home, I would probably have spent it online. But He showed me how good he is. (he provides for us. he provided me a job, shelter, finances..etc) Just like He always does. I drove in silence for almost all of the four hours, and i never thought i'd enjoy the silence. but i realized how very seldomly we observe silence. even when we're not communicating, we're communicating. we Text, IM, facebook, tweet, the list is ever growing. Our generations are addicted to social networking and technology. So observing complete silence is rare, and often frowned upon. but it is a wonderful thing. I hope i can practice it more in the future.

Me and God last night for four hours, thats something that I am so thankful for. And don't want to forget, which leads to my number 3...

The biggest thing i am thankful for, is for calvary. What Jesus did for me that day on the cross, so that I, a sinner, could live. For without calvary, I would be damned to hell. But he died that I could live. I never want to forget that. It is the reason for this season, and every day of our lives. I do not want to take that lightly. I hope you all do not either.

I'm keeping this short, but soon to come. "Late Night Drive with God part 1: Finding Joy in the unknown" and "part 2: Trusting Him when all is well."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Slow to Forget

Tonight is one of those nights where I have felt myself being down on myself. Struggling with self-confidence, worldliness, wanting the things of this world, like a relationship so bad that they consume me. idols always have been, and I'm sure always will be a huge trial for me, but I know being aware of sin is most important in order to have a large view of the cross, one that is always growing, and never shrinking. Tonight, after talking to a good friend, and spending time in the Word, three words came to my mind. "Slow to Forget". Now I know that this isn't what the passage says. James 1:19 says "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." That scripture says to be slow to anger, and I try to remember that everyday, but tonight, I want to leave you all with three words. "Slow to forget".

We need to be slow in forgetting what Christ did for us that day at Calvary. Slow to forget the awesome (the actual definition of awesome, not as in cool) weight of our sin. Slow to forget that by not having a growing awareness of our sin, we are shrinking the meaning of the cross. This has been a huge thought going in my head lately while I try to tackle my love for the things of this world. My realizing how idolatrous my heart has been lately. How people, as idols, can never satisfy, and will always disappoint. That only He who died for me can satisfy. Otherwise, without Him, I would be like the rest of the world, who doesn't know joy, and is always contemplating as to why they are unhappy. So while I struggle through my idolatry, and worldliness and selfishness I hope and pray that I could be "slow to forget" the cross. For by it, and by His blood, I am redeemed and I am not dammed to Hell, and can experience true joy because of the source of True Joy that I have in the Lord. Peace and Love to you all! Til next time.

Monday, August 30, 2010

New Journey: Part 4-Moving

Hey everyone I know you all heard I moved into my own apartment. This is probably the most nerve racking and scary experience I have had yet. Yet it is also exciting. I have no idea where I'll be in three months let alone a year, so I am blessed that this apartment is a month to month, hence no lease required. =D I am technically calling this my first apartment since in the Disney College Program, I was given an apartment, and didn't have to do any looking or finding roomates. But you all know all about my Disney College Program experience. This is my post-college-trying-to-figure-life-out-and-moving-forward experiences. I will make this short and sweet since I am typing this at starbucks, since I have no internet, or electricity in my apartment yet. (Which hopefully we will have the second as of tomorrow, otherwise we will be roughing it for a few days.)

I'll take more pics later, when we're all moved in. =D My parents came and brought most of my stuff but we still need alot of stuff..and of course electricity. If anyone has anything they don't need by the way, we might be happy to take it off your hands. =D So here's the pics, as of now...from my iphone. (which is also charging here at starbucks, since I can't charge it at home yet).

my bedroom =D

the full bathroom

our kitchen (didn't come with the fridge my parents bought it =D)

living room

dining room and balcony

and our living room (gas fireplace which is proving to help without electricity for light =D)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Inception - Movie Review

Ok all, it's been a while, but I want to start catching up on my movie reviews. And what better movie to start with then Inception, Christopher Nolan's latest summer blockbuster. It took me over a month to see this movie, but I finally saw it this week. There was only a late night showing at 9:50 so it was a late night.

A late night wouldn't usually mean much, but I'm sure it definitely was the reason my head hurt even more after the 2 hours and 22 minutes of crazy mind twisting. If you have not watched this yet, I will start by saying, you should see it. It is a MUST SEE. By far one of the best movies I have seen in a few years. It's up there with The Departed on my top 10 list for sure!

Ok, as for more specifics. This movie did not look good to me when I first saw the teaser. But little did I know it would become one of the biggest hits of the summer. Nolan captures your attention from the very beginning with his catchy plot line of inception (implanting an idea into someone's mind). Dicaprio nails this role, which slightly compares to that of his character in Shutter Island. If you like to dream, or dreams fascinate you, or confuse you or leave you screaming or wanting more, you will love this movie. Not only is the plotline interesting, it's obvious Nolan did his research on dreams. Even while I was paying attention to the movie, I found myself thinking of my own dream experiences while I watched the film. It deals with a man (Dicaprio) who is asked about being able to perform inception on someone. Through this you go with him on a journey through dream, and the dreams within a dream, which can greatly affect the dreamer and those who interfere. Blurring the line between reality and fantasy, to the point where dreaming becomes more real and less painful then reality.

I think part of this film's intrigue was it's originality. I don't know many if any movies that deal with the mind in the sense of dreaming. It's a brilliant and attention getting idea for a film. It is so complex, and many directors and writers would get lost in an idea of this nature. But I feel Nolan did an amazing job. It was alot of information to retain, but if one pays attention, it's easy to follow. I was glad to see that the concept did not get away from him. If you like movies like the Matrix, and Shutter Island, I'd say you would for sure like this film. I personally love the matrix, but this was better.

And it was not just Dicaprio that did an amazing job, but also his co-stars Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon Levitt. I've been following Levitt fairly consistently for a few years now. Starting with Stop Loss and then last year's (500) Days of Summer. And of course his old child star hits. He has proven especially recently how good of an actor he is. He can become a character and bring this intensity and reality to it, making it look easy, when it in fact is not. I found myself wondering more and more about Levitt's character, often more intrigued by his character then of Dicaprio's. He had this charisma as Dicaprio's partner that made it impossible to stop watching him. And Page, broke free from the comedic role of Juno, into a darker dreamscape architecture who discovers the truth behind Dicaprio's character. The things he hides from the others, and why he acts how he does. They had great chemistry and meshed amazingly in this film.

I will rap this up with a few more thoughts. If you like a good mind twist then you'll love this movie. If you're looking for a light movie, this is not one of them, you constantly have to think and pay attention. (I got a headache from thinking, but I didn't care, because it was so intriguing and interesting to me). There is little swearing (at least from what I remember) and minimal sexual content. If there was anything it was very subtle. I definitely don't see any reason why younger viewers could not watch this, unless it was for the violence, which is a bit intense at times, but still relatively subtle, I don't think there was any blood involved. Their only problem might be confusion. Plus it definitely gets some conversation going after the fact. So watch it. Let me know what you think, because I thought it was brilliant and genius in addition to well acted and well-made. Till next time...