JANUARY 2010

Well, I realized I have neglected this blog of mine, I hope to be better about it now, especially since part of my resolution for February is to journal more. So, here is my update on the last month, as briefly as possible. First, my resolutions for the month of January were to try to read my Bible more regularly and to not listen or watch anything Disney. No Disney music. No Disney Channel. and yes, No Disneyland. However, I began the month late, on January 2, so it seemed fitting to make the month last till February 2. However, I also went to a concert on the 29th, and Disneyland on the 30(due to prior commitment) so I extended the Disney to the 4th. Some of my close friends, mentioned they could not go a month without listening to Disney music or watching Disney channel or movies. They also asked why I was doing this. I will tell you. I chose to not have any "Disney" in my life because amazingly enough, it causes me to be more emotional. It causes me to dwell on the aspects of my life, specifically singleness and the discontent I too often feel about it, that make me emotional and make it harder to be content. Disney adds drama to my life, its also an idol of mine, therefore, it is wrong to indulge myself so much with it. This is the reason I gave it up for the month. If you don't understand, I'd love to explain it further. Just ask <3

Resolutions 2010

So. I've found that when making resolutions it's best not to make too many cuz then one or all of them fail. So this year, I'm making monthly resolutions. Spiritual, physical, emotional you name it. That way instead of three large resolutions like more spiritual, more fit, better time management I'm picking little disciplines and goals for each month that'll hopefully help the overall big resolutions I make every year. And each month i have one thing that i meed to discipline not to do and one that I'll do with that time instead. If that makes sense? Then hopefully each month some of that discipline will transfer over to the next month. Well see. :-) here's what I have so far...

Jan-

•emotional-no Disney music/channel/land

•spiritual- more scripture/theological reading

Feb-

•physical- less soda

•spiritual- journaling

March-

•physical- no fast food

•spiritual- prayer and prayer journal

•professional- portfolio

April-

•physical-sit ups/work out

•spiritual-memorization

May-

•physical- no facebook

•spiritual- memorization

•Professional-Job/internship search

2009

Hey Everyone,



There is one more day left in 2009. So I believe its time for a blog that reflects this year.



First, however, I'd like to say, that 2009 has been pretty crazy. It's been filled with lots of trials and lots of first experiences. But thats what's made it such an amazing year. =). God has blessed me with so many amazing blessings in all forms. :). So, here is my synopsis of the 2009 year.

Blessings in the form of Praise

• January 1 - Brought in the new year with my friends in the best way possible, bringing prasie to my Heavenly Father in worship and fellowship.
• January 6th- I started the Disney College Program. Therefore, I moved out on my own to Anaheim, CA.
• Learning how to deal with my faith away from home, learning more about Christ from an individual perspective.
• Meeting whole new friends. =)
• Being a cast member at the Happiest Place on Earth. A steady job, at a place I love.
• Designing my first period show.
• Learning more about who I am as an individual and spiritually

This year had many blessings. But it had much pain as well. But the thing I've come to realize is how thankful I am for all the blessings and the trials. Because trials are blessings too. :)

Trials

• Living on my own
• Relationships
• Losing friends
• Being a cast member at the Happiest Place on Earth.
• Faith on my own.
• Finding who I am

So you know I've realized blessings and trials are usually one in the same. And I am thankful for this year. Although it was filled with many hardships, I learned so much through them, and even more about God's love and grace. So for that I am thankful. I can't wait to see what this next year brings. In closing, here is one of the biggest lessons I've learned. I've always struggled with relationships. This year was probably the biggest learning year for relationships then I've ever had. For the longest time I've wanted a relationship, or thought that I wanted a relationship so bad, but then when the opportunity arises for one, I found that the wrong relationship isn't worth it. Its hard to explain, but I fought my feelings and although I still got hurt, I learned so much. And for that I am so thankful. :) And although, I'm still learning, I feel alot better about these trials when I remember God's goodness, and His grace. But heres til an even better 2010. Peace and love to you all. And God Bless. <3

Where I Am

Hello everyone,

I know it's been a while. I hope to start getting better at blogging semi-regularly again. So today, I write about my life currently. However untheological this quote may be, it is true that Life is a climb. And it probably is the best reflection of my life in this moment.

But I must start at Thanksgiving week first. Over my time in orange country for work over Thanksgiving holiday, God showed me how much I need Him. Now, of course this isn't new news. But He showed me that I've been trusting the people and things of this world to make me happy. When in reality, nothing of this world can cause or bring happiness. For living of this world actually causes the opposite. But I was enjoying it. Sadly, but it's true. But He called me back. He made me realize that I need more discipline in my life. That I can't do anything without Him.

So fast forward to last Saturday night. We had the cross-generational Christmas party. I was still having a non-Christ-Centered view. I didn't want to go. But I went, and through the night of Christ-Centered worship and fellowship, I came to the realization that I really did need to repair my lifestyle that I've been in for a couple months.

Therefore, when I got home, I made the decision to not go on Facebook for a week. And to delete my twitter account. Although, small as they may be, I know that I spend too much time idley on them both. I follow these celebrities, to see what's going on in their lives, when I shouldnt' even care. And I need to cut back on the media intake that I let into my mind. So, this was that first step. And I realized that I waste so much time on facebook, trying to remain friends with people who may not care if I didn't initiate contact. So, I decided to take a break.

Now, It's hard to say what the long term effects will be. But I know that I need more discipline in my life. Especially if i want to serve as a believer in L.A. I can't rely on my own strengths or willpower to stay strong and focused on Christ without Relying on He who is the reason for which I have life, and for my salvation. So although it will be a long time coming, and may never happen, I pray I can continue to trust in the One who died for me. And not let this world tempt me, with its temporal treasures any longer.

Undeserving but Thankful

So in young adult group on Tuesday nights we are currently going through the book of Esther. I've been enjoying it alot. Even though we haven't yet gotten to far into the study yet, to the bulk of who Esther was and what she did. I still am enjoying this study because it helps me remember the faith that Esther had and the trust she placed in our LORD. For that is something that I am constantly struggling with.

Lately, I've been so blinded by my trials and been letting them create negativity in my life, that I've almost (though never completely) forgotten Whom it is I serve and Love. Who it is that died for me. And with going through Esther and "Living the Cross Centered Life" in small groups, this has been renewed in my thought process. It's been causing me to ask myself daily "who is God" "Who is Man?" and "Who is Christ?" I know this is something I need to remember daily. And I know that God is good, and if I remember that, these trials will be a blessing and not a curse.

The main point of this blog is to say that I was once again broken almost to the point of tears this evening when I realized how silly I've been. Who am I to deserve such mercy from God's wrath? And who am I to think that what was done at calvery was something that happened two thousand years ago? This song, "Jesus Thank You" broke me and the Lord called me back. And all I can say is just that... Jesus Thank You. Thank you.

Words and music by Pat Sczebel

As recorded on Worship God LiveLyrics

~

The mystery of the cross I cannot comprehend

The agonies of Calvary

You the perfect Holy One,

crushed Your Son

Who drank the bitter cup reserved for me

~~

Your blood has washed away my sin

Jesus, thank You

The Father’s wrath completely satisfied

Jesus, thank You

Once Your enemy, now seated at Your table

Jesus, thank You

~~

By Your perfect sacrifice

I’ve been brought near

Your enemy

You’ve made Your friend

Pouring out the riches of Your glorious grace

Your mercy and Your kindness know no end

Lover of my soul

I want to live for You

I wrote this song. To help me get across some of what I've been feeling. Hope you like it. :D

I'm done waiting for you tonight
To text me back and say goodnight
Cuz I know, things just aren't the same
Yes I see now that the rain,
Has overshadowed our love
Drowned out the sun.
But I know it will rise again
Love will ascend

~Chorus~
So I'll wait for that day
Where the waves wash away
The feelings of sadness
That came when you went away.
Bringing with them a love renewed
Something lasting. Something true.
So for that I will wait.
No longer will I stay in this state.
~
lost too much time in tears of you,
And no longer will I be blue.
But please oh please listen here
Know that I still hold you near
deep within my heart
Even though apart
But I will rise above the clouds
And scream aloud

~chorus~

So I get up off the floor
Dry thee tears
From my eyes
And Say goodbye to my fears

Rinse the makeup off my face
I'm going to feel beautiful today.
Will not let you hold me down Anymore.
Ill feel contentment.
Time to soar.

Life...

So, recently I've lost a really good friend. I know I need to move on, but it's hard because I don't take losing friends well at all. This person left (well stopped talking to me abrubtly) and I was really hurt by it. He didn't even give a reason. I know I need to be okay with that. I know that God has a plan for everything, but it definetly still hurts. Especially learning that someone you thought you knew, you didn't know at all. I forgive this person, but I'm still hurting. I miss this person regardless, I just need to have the strength to move on. Anyway, that's how I've been feeling lately.

Friend, if you ever read this, I miss you and care for you deeply. I hope that the Lord blesses you and hope to maybe see you again someday. I thank the Lord for you, no matter how much pain you've caused. Please forgive me if I overstepped or did anything wrong. <3