JANUARY 2010

Well, I realized I have neglected this blog of mine, I hope to be better about it now, especially since part of my resolution for February is to journal more. So, here is my update on the last month, as briefly as possible. First, my resolutions for the month of January were to try to read my Bible more regularly and to not listen or watch anything Disney. No Disney music. No Disney Channel. and yes, No Disneyland. However, I began the month late, on January 2, so it seemed fitting to make the month last till February 2. However, I also went to a concert on the 29th, and Disneyland on the 30(due to prior commitment) so I extended the Disney to the 4th. Some of my close friends, mentioned they could not go a month without listening to Disney music or watching Disney channel or movies. They also asked why I was doing this. I will tell you. I chose to not have any "Disney" in my life because amazingly enough, it causes me to be more emotional. It causes me to dwell on the aspects of my life, specifically singleness and the discontent I too often feel about it, that make me emotional and make it harder to be content. Disney adds drama to my life, its also an idol of mine, therefore, it is wrong to indulge myself so much with it. This is the reason I gave it up for the month. If you don't understand, I'd love to explain it further. Just ask <3

Where I Am

Hello everyone,

I know it's been a while. I hope to start getting better at blogging semi-regularly again. So today, I write about my life currently. However untheological this quote may be, it is true that Life is a climb. And it probably is the best reflection of my life in this moment.

But I must start at Thanksgiving week first. Over my time in orange country for work over Thanksgiving holiday, God showed me how much I need Him. Now, of course this isn't new news. But He showed me that I've been trusting the people and things of this world to make me happy. When in reality, nothing of this world can cause or bring happiness. For living of this world actually causes the opposite. But I was enjoying it. Sadly, but it's true. But He called me back. He made me realize that I need more discipline in my life. That I can't do anything without Him.

So fast forward to last Saturday night. We had the cross-generational Christmas party. I was still having a non-Christ-Centered view. I didn't want to go. But I went, and through the night of Christ-Centered worship and fellowship, I came to the realization that I really did need to repair my lifestyle that I've been in for a couple months.

Therefore, when I got home, I made the decision to not go on Facebook for a week. And to delete my twitter account. Although, small as they may be, I know that I spend too much time idley on them both. I follow these celebrities, to see what's going on in their lives, when I shouldnt' even care. And I need to cut back on the media intake that I let into my mind. So, this was that first step. And I realized that I waste so much time on facebook, trying to remain friends with people who may not care if I didn't initiate contact. So, I decided to take a break.

Now, It's hard to say what the long term effects will be. But I know that I need more discipline in my life. Especially if i want to serve as a believer in L.A. I can't rely on my own strengths or willpower to stay strong and focused on Christ without Relying on He who is the reason for which I have life, and for my salvation. So although it will be a long time coming, and may never happen, I pray I can continue to trust in the One who died for me. And not let this world tempt me, with its temporal treasures any longer.

Life...

So, recently I've lost a really good friend. I know I need to move on, but it's hard because I don't take losing friends well at all. This person left (well stopped talking to me abrubtly) and I was really hurt by it. He didn't even give a reason. I know I need to be okay with that. I know that God has a plan for everything, but it definetly still hurts. Especially learning that someone you thought you knew, you didn't know at all. I forgive this person, but I'm still hurting. I miss this person regardless, I just need to have the strength to move on. Anyway, that's how I've been feeling lately.

Friend, if you ever read this, I miss you and care for you deeply. I hope that the Lord blesses you and hope to maybe see you again someday. I thank the Lord for you, no matter how much pain you've caused. Please forgive me if I overstepped or did anything wrong. <3

Long time coming..

Hey everyone (ok, the very few people who read this) I'm sorry it's been so long. but having a crappy computer was the main reason. So here it is, one of many blogs I'm going to post in the next few days(hopefully). Here it goes...

First, I'm back in Fresno now. (Yes, it is sad, but good.) It's good to be home, but hard to be away from L.A. I spent 8 months on my own; in a large city, working an average of 40 hours per a week at the Happiest Place on Earth. And after about 6 months, I realized how accustomed I had become to living on my own. I got used to it, persay. So I think thats why leaving was hard. Because, although I was home again, home has changed, my life has changed. My friends have changed. Now, I'm not saying this is a bad thing. It's a blessing in fact; however, it makes the transition harder, because I'm having to get used to change again.

However, the good thing about being home, is that I'm able to be more involved in the church again. If you had talked to me, prior to leaving to L.A., you'd have heard me say how I felt the LORD calling me to L.A. for missions. However, you also would have heard me say how I was more scared to go to L.A. then I was for going overseas. (I realized this even after going overseas last summer) This was because, if you remember, I felt that although many populations of the Earth are unreached with the gospel, Hollywood is different because they know, or have most likely heard the gospel, but they just don't care. So when one is going to L.A. They are going somewhere where falling away, falling in to sin is at higher risk. I know it's easy for me to say that dying for my faith seems easier. And I know if I were in that situation, I would probably change my view. But let me tell you this...

Going overseas, we as Americans are leaving are comfort zones. And although we may be traveling to a country where spreading the gospel is illegal, and can hence be a death sentence, when you go on a trip out there, you feel God's presence. You're there to spread the gospel. And in a way, despite the risk, it's easier to draw nearer to God. At least in my opinion. However, Hollywood is not that way. Hollywood is in my comfort zone, so it's easy to be consumed in your own life, and not look to God as much as you should. (I know this from experience, I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth.) In L.A. you can lose control easy if you're not careful. Now, my faith is strong enough to resist certain sins, what I mean to say is, I've lived with a certain form of morals for 21 years, so some aspects of my lifestyle and choices aren't going to change. But I've seen how I can still be led astray. Being worldly and not Godly. These are the reasons I was more scared to go to L.A. then I am of going overseas. Why am I telling you this?

I failed.

I wasn't the child that I should have been. Far from it even. I wasn't the light I could have been. Yes, when it came to moral issues I stood my ground. But in order to be a witness for the LORD in L.A. the 'usual' doesn't cut it. I'll admit I was too scared to fully express the faith I have. Sharing with the co-workers I had. And I know I didn't care about them (well about their souls) enough. I failed. Not just in in being a light, but in my own walk with the Creator of all. If I had been in the Word more, and gone to church more regularly, I would not have gotten into the same situations and would have been able to deal better. But I let the sin and drama consume me, and take over my life. I failed. But I realized, that although I failed, I became much stronger too. He called me back. I realized how even when I'm struggling, He is there. The LORD died for me, and even when I fall, He is there to break me, and humble me. I grew because I had to live my faith out almost completely alone (meaning without other believers, because none are alone who have Christ) , for the first time in my life, made me realize more about my faith, and the God I love and want to serve with my life. Although I wasn't ever truly alone, not being in the Word, I felt more alone then ever. (Again, not something I am proud of) That's something I never want to take lightly again.

So...that is why me being home is a good thing. I can get a better grip on my faith, and come near to He who died for me...In preparation to go back 'out into the world and preach the good news'. Because if I am not looking to the One whom I serve with my life, and I'm not serving him with my life, it's all in vain. So, in short, I still feel called to Hollywood after I graduate. But that's not where I'm meant to be at this moment. In the book "God Called A Girl" by Shannon Kubiak, that I recently read she stated,

"Sometimes he prevents us from being where we want to be so we can end up where we are supposed to be."

I WANT to be in L.A. But at this point in my life, that is not where I am supposed to be. I NEED to be right here. In my journal I wrote this,

"He knows I was led astray. Therefore, where I want to be probably isn't where I'm supposed to be...now. I need to find comfort in knowing that in my confusion God is doing work. In the midst of the fog He is working".

I don't think it can be any clearer. So instead of worrying and being sad about being home, I need to realize the PURPOSE for why I am. And why I need to be. And how I'm supposed to live - praising Him who died for me at calvary. I need to

'lay aside every weight, and sin which so easily entangles, and run with endurance, the race that is set before me, fixing my eyes on HIm, the Author and perfector of my faith, who for the JOY set before him, endured the cross, scorning the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God."

I pray that I can fall on my knees in praise to Him. And never forget His work at calvary.

Growing up...

So, I think lately I've been growing up a lot. And at the same time it's become so apparent how much more growing up I have to do. Last night I came to the realization that God is so good!!! Not that this is new news at all, but...it's always good to remember. I am sooo small and God is soo Big!!! It's overwhelming but in a good way.

Now for the trials portion. Last night I had a small meltdown. I realized how much I've fallen away since I've been here in LA. Maybe fallen away isn't the right words. But I interact with my friends here like I do with the ones I've known all my life. The ones who know who I really am in regards to my faith. Whereas these other friends just see who I am now. I know I need to work on this more. Work on being a light. Work on being a light for Jesus in this place. My usual means of doing this just can't cut it anymore. I've realized I may have to end some friendships, which is not something I've ever felt I had to do. I need to do more. So...yeah that's that.

Today started better. I was happy with just who Christ is. And work was easier, etc. But things can change so much. They can be great then turn to gray so fast. I don't understand it. I don't like it, but thats life. And when these things happen all I can do is turn to Him. And on my hands and knees I fall, into his arms. And I know it'll be okay, and even if its not, well that's okay too. Some things never fail. God is good, He is sovereign. He's in control. He is so many unchanging and unfailing things. So I lean upon Him when all else turns to black. If only I remembered that everyday. :) So here I am today. Am I happy, no. Am I sad, yes. But I still have hope in my Heavenly Father. That He is there, and He loves me. And everything...EVERYTHING is according to His plan for me. Even if I don't like it, or have problems with his timing. Which I struggle with constantly. But I guess that's one reason its called faith right? Faith in someone so holy, who's timing is perfect and who is in complete control, when it seems things are spiraling out of control. :) Thank you Lord for your amazing Grace, and mercy towards me, a sinner. And for loving me so fully, enough to send your son for me. Thank you Father, Spirit, Jesus...

When times get hard

So. I thought I'd update you all on what's going on in my life at Disneyland, or spiritually. Everything. (I'll try to keep it short, but with me, who knows if that'll happen.) So here it is. Work's been going pretty well. It's been getting way less stressful, as I get more comfortable driving and interacting with the guests. So work, is getting very enjoyable now that I know what I'm doing more and more each day.

So, before I go into the next part, I feel that it's important for me to add a scripture that relates to what I'm going through, and what helps me when times are hard. I go to this passage often, and have even committed it to memory. So here it is...

Hebrews 12:1-2 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

So...I have had a week of weeks. You name it, it probably happened. So the first part of this week went rather splendid. I met some new people. Got to know some others, talked to home friends. And my mom came out here on Tuesday and Wednesday to see me. We went shopping and then, since I got my blue card to get guests into the park for free, we went to the park for a few hours on Wednesday. My mom left that night, and I relaxed at home. Thursday at work, I was tired (from staying up to late), but the day was pretty good nonetheless.

Then came Friday. I had to begin work at 8:45. But after getting to the parking lot, when I went to delete my month's worth of texts, my phone decided to turn off, and not turn back on. So I had to call the att people and get everything figured out. And short story, they're sending me a new phone it should be here on Tuesday.

So, thankful that I had that behind me, I came to work bright and early, at 7 am on Saturday morning. The day went well. I had G.C. Which meant, a whole day of interacting with guests in the line. No DRIVING!!! I was excited. The weather was hot, but the work was not bad. But, on my way out of the parking lot. My car got backed into. YEP. Fun. Luckily, my car isn't hurt too badly, but I can't say the same for hers. So that was stressful.

I decided to burn off some steam by going to the park with Kelsey. We waited in line for Space Mountain for 45 minutes. And then came home.

And then today. It was good. I had a great day at work, other than having to be at work at 7:30, and showing up early, because I thought I worked at 7. But today was good. I read James 2 and 3. And it was what I needed yet again. I'm hoping to practice the art of silence. Yes, it will be difficult, since I talk a lot. But I know I need to watch my tongue. So I'm praying that God can help give me the discipline I need to achieve being "slow to speak". I love you all and miss you dearly! Best wishes and happy day to you all!

By Faith...

So, today I was reading Hebrews 11. And wow, I find it amazing how one always seems to read a passage that one needs to read at that specific moment. Now don't think that I mean to say that every passage isn't good to read, because they are. But I love how what one reads on a given day always relates directly to what one is struggling with, or going through on that given day. And today, I needed to read Hebrews 11.

So like I said, I was reading Hebrews 11, which talks all about how all these men and women did specific things "by faith". How "by faith" Noah when warned about things not yet seen built an ark in holy fear, to save his family. The chapter continues on talking about Abraham and Sarah, Issac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses and even Rahab.

Well, this chapter got me to thinking about how little I do "by faith" or, how much I take my faith for granted. Here in America as a believer, it's so easy to just blend in. Living in a way that doesn't cross the line of immorality, but coming as close to crossing that line as possible. Here we can be a Christian without living a life of intention, and without having to face persecution. Yet all over the world other believers face daily persecution for their faith, yet they serve the Lord despite those circumstances. So this passage made me realize how I need to live "by faith" more. That I need to sieze the opportunities and freedoms I have more. My prayer is that I can live a life intentional and "by faith". Instead of taking what I have for granted everyday in fear of persecution.

Goodbyes the hardest word...

I keep hoping that as the years pass, and the older I get, that goodbyes will get easier. But everytime it comes time to say goodbye again, it's just as hard if not harder than it was before. And it hurts to know that not only is it goodbye, but that every year older we get, the more goodbyes will come. We all grow apart, and we all have to move on with our lives. So every goodbye is hard. If this doesn't make any sense, it's probably because of the tears that are flowing from my eyes as I type this. Tonight is one of the nights I'm talking about. I'm excited about moving to L.A., yet sad to leave home and my friends. However, I know I can find hope in Heaven when there will be no more goodbyes, and even if there were it wouldn't matter, because I'll be with my Savior, praising him forever!

So you know how I've been waiting for it to sink in that I'm leaving, well, unfotunately now it has. Now that I've said my goodbyes to the people I love the most, and my bags are all packed, it's finally hit that I'm leaving...tomorrow, for 8 months. Who knows what will happen while I'm gone? So much could happen! To all of my friends, I love you so much, and I'll miss you terribly! It breaks my heart to have to say these words, but I want you all to know them. I'll keep in touch! And I'll be posting updates here hopefully weekly, or as much as possible!!! Peace and Love

God Bless
~Katie~

waiting on God's timing...

This week in the "next steps" on our communication cards at church it asked what is one way we can pray for God's timing in your life. It took all of about two seconds for me to answer this question. I put, Pray for my patience of God's timing for my future life/career goals. Lately, I've been struggling with having patience about the years to come. If it's not one thing it's another. It could be impatient to get out of school, and start my career (which is the main way) or it could be impatient about personal relationships. It could be any of a multiple of things. So, imagine my reaction to this question. It was exactly what I needed to think about, and have been working on since I read it. Isn't it amazing how God reveals things?!? It never ceases to amaze me!

So, this week and the weeks to come I'm trying to work on contentment, and patience. Both would coincide with my needing prayer for patience in God's timing. If I can be content, then patience will come. So I'm working on it. And I am once again amazed at the amazingness of God and his will for my life, that I don't even know about!!!