JANUARY 2010

Well, I realized I have neglected this blog of mine, I hope to be better about it now, especially since part of my resolution for February is to journal more. So, here is my update on the last month, as briefly as possible. First, my resolutions for the month of January were to try to read my Bible more regularly and to not listen or watch anything Disney. No Disney music. No Disney Channel. and yes, No Disneyland. However, I began the month late, on January 2, so it seemed fitting to make the month last till February 2. However, I also went to a concert on the 29th, and Disneyland on the 30(due to prior commitment) so I extended the Disney to the 4th. Some of my close friends, mentioned they could not go a month without listening to Disney music or watching Disney channel or movies. They also asked why I was doing this. I will tell you. I chose to not have any "Disney" in my life because amazingly enough, it causes me to be more emotional. It causes me to dwell on the aspects of my life, specifically singleness and the discontent I too often feel about it, that make me emotional and make it harder to be content. Disney adds drama to my life, its also an idol of mine, therefore, it is wrong to indulge myself so much with it. This is the reason I gave it up for the month. If you don't understand, I'd love to explain it further. Just ask <3

Where I Am

Hello everyone,

I know it's been a while. I hope to start getting better at blogging semi-regularly again. So today, I write about my life currently. However untheological this quote may be, it is true that Life is a climb. And it probably is the best reflection of my life in this moment.

But I must start at Thanksgiving week first. Over my time in orange country for work over Thanksgiving holiday, God showed me how much I need Him. Now, of course this isn't new news. But He showed me that I've been trusting the people and things of this world to make me happy. When in reality, nothing of this world can cause or bring happiness. For living of this world actually causes the opposite. But I was enjoying it. Sadly, but it's true. But He called me back. He made me realize that I need more discipline in my life. That I can't do anything without Him.

So fast forward to last Saturday night. We had the cross-generational Christmas party. I was still having a non-Christ-Centered view. I didn't want to go. But I went, and through the night of Christ-Centered worship and fellowship, I came to the realization that I really did need to repair my lifestyle that I've been in for a couple months.

Therefore, when I got home, I made the decision to not go on Facebook for a week. And to delete my twitter account. Although, small as they may be, I know that I spend too much time idley on them both. I follow these celebrities, to see what's going on in their lives, when I shouldnt' even care. And I need to cut back on the media intake that I let into my mind. So, this was that first step. And I realized that I waste so much time on facebook, trying to remain friends with people who may not care if I didn't initiate contact. So, I decided to take a break.

Now, It's hard to say what the long term effects will be. But I know that I need more discipline in my life. Especially if i want to serve as a believer in L.A. I can't rely on my own strengths or willpower to stay strong and focused on Christ without Relying on He who is the reason for which I have life, and for my salvation. So although it will be a long time coming, and may never happen, I pray I can continue to trust in the One who died for me. And not let this world tempt me, with its temporal treasures any longer.

Growing up...

So, I think lately I've been growing up a lot. And at the same time it's become so apparent how much more growing up I have to do. Last night I came to the realization that God is so good!!! Not that this is new news at all, but...it's always good to remember. I am sooo small and God is soo Big!!! It's overwhelming but in a good way.

Now for the trials portion. Last night I had a small meltdown. I realized how much I've fallen away since I've been here in LA. Maybe fallen away isn't the right words. But I interact with my friends here like I do with the ones I've known all my life. The ones who know who I really am in regards to my faith. Whereas these other friends just see who I am now. I know I need to work on this more. Work on being a light. Work on being a light for Jesus in this place. My usual means of doing this just can't cut it anymore. I've realized I may have to end some friendships, which is not something I've ever felt I had to do. I need to do more. So...yeah that's that.

Today started better. I was happy with just who Christ is. And work was easier, etc. But things can change so much. They can be great then turn to gray so fast. I don't understand it. I don't like it, but thats life. And when these things happen all I can do is turn to Him. And on my hands and knees I fall, into his arms. And I know it'll be okay, and even if its not, well that's okay too. Some things never fail. God is good, He is sovereign. He's in control. He is so many unchanging and unfailing things. So I lean upon Him when all else turns to black. If only I remembered that everyday. :) So here I am today. Am I happy, no. Am I sad, yes. But I still have hope in my Heavenly Father. That He is there, and He loves me. And everything...EVERYTHING is according to His plan for me. Even if I don't like it, or have problems with his timing. Which I struggle with constantly. But I guess that's one reason its called faith right? Faith in someone so holy, who's timing is perfect and who is in complete control, when it seems things are spiraling out of control. :) Thank you Lord for your amazing Grace, and mercy towards me, a sinner. And for loving me so fully, enough to send your son for me. Thank you Father, Spirit, Jesus...

Goodbyes the hardest word...

I keep hoping that as the years pass, and the older I get, that goodbyes will get easier. But everytime it comes time to say goodbye again, it's just as hard if not harder than it was before. And it hurts to know that not only is it goodbye, but that every year older we get, the more goodbyes will come. We all grow apart, and we all have to move on with our lives. So every goodbye is hard. If this doesn't make any sense, it's probably because of the tears that are flowing from my eyes as I type this. Tonight is one of the nights I'm talking about. I'm excited about moving to L.A., yet sad to leave home and my friends. However, I know I can find hope in Heaven when there will be no more goodbyes, and even if there were it wouldn't matter, because I'll be with my Savior, praising him forever!

So you know how I've been waiting for it to sink in that I'm leaving, well, unfotunately now it has. Now that I've said my goodbyes to the people I love the most, and my bags are all packed, it's finally hit that I'm leaving...tomorrow, for 8 months. Who knows what will happen while I'm gone? So much could happen! To all of my friends, I love you so much, and I'll miss you terribly! It breaks my heart to have to say these words, but I want you all to know them. I'll keep in touch! And I'll be posting updates here hopefully weekly, or as much as possible!!! Peace and Love

God Bless
~Katie~

waiting on God's timing...

This week in the "next steps" on our communication cards at church it asked what is one way we can pray for God's timing in your life. It took all of about two seconds for me to answer this question. I put, Pray for my patience of God's timing for my future life/career goals. Lately, I've been struggling with having patience about the years to come. If it's not one thing it's another. It could be impatient to get out of school, and start my career (which is the main way) or it could be impatient about personal relationships. It could be any of a multiple of things. So, imagine my reaction to this question. It was exactly what I needed to think about, and have been working on since I read it. Isn't it amazing how God reveals things?!? It never ceases to amaze me!

So, this week and the weeks to come I'm trying to work on contentment, and patience. Both would coincide with my needing prayer for patience in God's timing. If I can be content, then patience will come. So I'm working on it. And I am once again amazed at the amazingness of God and his will for my life, that I don't even know about!!!